Thursday, June 3

Freedom Roller Specifications

Follow-up to article announcing arrival of the 2004 Freedom Roller to the U.S. fleet.
Charles 2, of The Fulcrum, who has just posted a stunning photograph of rainbows, and Andante of Collective Sigh, inquired about the specifications of the Freedom Roller (see May 28th post). After researching the matter, I have determined that the standard specifications for this new, multi-faceted, family-friendly Sports Utility Tank are as follows:
Weight 59 1/2 tons

Length 32' 2"

Width 13' 6"

Height 12' 6"

Forward speed 30 mph

Engine 750 hp Continental AVDS-1790 V-12 Diesel

Mileage 3 gallons per mile (city)

Main gun 105 mm / 51cal M68 rifled gun, 63 rounds

Passenger machine gun M 240 - 7.62 mm, 6,000 rounds

Driver machine gun M 85 - .50 cal anti-aircraft gun, 900 rounds
Anyone interested in upgrading from an S.U.V. or Hummer to a Freedom Roller or like S.U.T. who would like to add additional amenities to their new vehicle, such as flamethrowers or cannons, should contact the Pentagon or, failing which, George Bush's re-election team.